


Episode 1

by iwriteficsnotstories



Series: The Castle [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, its not as funny tho, oblivious idiots, the office au I guess??, this was a train wreck from the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 14:46:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13010043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwriteficsnotstories/pseuds/iwriteficsnotstories
Summary: "As far and Lance and Keith know, we're filming this series to show planets that paladins are regular people--er, lifeforms too," says Shiro, staring at the camera. "But really," he glances over his shoulder before turning back to the camera, "Pidge just wants to know if aliens can detect sexual tension."





	Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> this honestly makes no sense but I'm uploading it on to the internet anyways, enjoy!!

"As far and Lance and Keith know, we're filming this series to show planets that paladins are regular people--er, lifeforms too." says Shiro, staring at the camera. "But really," he glances over his shoulder before turning back to the camera, "Pidge just wants to know if aliens can detect sexual tension."

. . .

" _Lance!_ "

Lance looks up from where he lay on the couch just in time to see Keith stomp into the lounge room. "What?"

"I found _this_ ", Keith tosses the blue bayard towards Lance and rolls his eyes as Lance almost tumbles off the couch trying to grab it, "in the training room. _On the floor_."

Lance pushes himself up on to his arms and raises an eyebrow. "So?"

" _So?!_ " Keith shrieks. "It could get lost. Or someone could steal it! What if you forget you left it there and we get called on a mission and you can't find it and-"

"Okay, okay. I'm very sorry." Lance shoots a _look_ towards the camera. "I'll never, ever do it again."

"You said that two days ago! When you left in the kitchen!"

Lance waves his bayard around over his head, "Yeah, at least I didn't leave it there today."

. . .

"Keith is super uptight," says Lance, inspecting his nails. "No wonder he lived in the desert, he doesn't know how to chill out!"

"I mean, his fighting is pretty cool. And being part Galra is pretty cool too. But those are just parts of him that are cool, it's not Keith, as a whole, that is." Lance looks up at the ceiling and tilts his head to the side. "It's like," he tilts it to the other side, "when you heat up chocolate milk in the microwave and it's mostly warm but some parts are still cold because it didn't heat evenly." He looks at the camera. "Keith is nothing like chocolate milk, though. He's more like carrot juice." Lance nods. "Unevenly heated carrot juice."

. . .

"Relax, Mullet," says Lance as he flips over onto his stomach.

"Why don’t you take off your pants, watch a movie or something!"

"We're in the middle of an intergalactic space war, Lance." says Keith with an unimpressed look. "It's way more interesting than that Altean garbage Coran got you hooked on.

. . .

Pidge stares at the floor with her eyebrows scrunched together. "Did Lance just," she looks up at the camera, "ask Keith to _take off his pants_?"

. . .

"I'm sure it's better than whatever you emos call entertainment. What's your favorite movie, The Crow?"

"You say it like it's an emo movie."

Lance snorts. "Isn't it? A dark and brooding rock musician comes back from the dead to avenge himself and his wife."

Keith puts a hand on a hip. "That isn't emo. And how do you know that movie?"

"I dated a girl who went through this emo phase. These were the only kinds of movies she'd watch on date night."

Keith covers his face his his hands. "Look, I don't want to know, nor do I care. Will you be more careful with your bayard?"

"Will you learn to relax?"

"How can I? I have to watch your ass all the time!"

Lance smirks, "Take a picture, it lasts longer."

"Lance I swear to God--"

. . .

"So," Lance rests his chin on his elbow, "he watches my ass all the time, eh?" His eyes widen, and he slams his hand down against the table in front of him. "I told you I wasn't flat, Pidge!"

. . .

"When are you going to learn some responsibility?"

"I don't know why I'm so homesick all the time, it's like my mom's standing right here!"

Keith groans. "Are you ser-" Lance sits up.

"All we need now is for you to grab a slipper and chase me!"

Keith looks at Lance for a few seconds before bending down and removing his boot.

He hits it against his hand a couple of times before looking back at Lance, locking on to his target.

Lance slowly stands, hands raised. "Keith, buddy. I was just joking. Besides, you're nothing like my _mamá_. You don't even know Spanish."

Keith's brow furrows as he thinks for a moment before looking up and running towards Lance, boot raised above his head.

" _Hola! Gracias! Sí!_ "

Lance runs, screaming with laughter. " _Dios,_ Keith!"

Keith laughs too. " _Dios dios dios!_ "

Lance jumps over the couch onto the lower section of the room. "You'll never be like her!"

" _Por favor! Hasta la vista! Despacito!_ "

Keith is gaining on Lance, and finally the taller boy trips and Keith throws himself on top of him.

Lance is practically crying, "Keith, no!" He continues laughing while Keith lightly hits him with the boot.

Keith grins. "Just like home, eh?"

Lance calms down and closes his eyes. "Nah, not really. But you were pretty close, mullet."

Keith hits him again. "It's not a mullet." They laugh for a while before Keith stands and offers a hand to Lance. "You have to admit my Spanish was pretty damn good."

Lance takes his hand and smiles. "It's alright, you really have to expand your vocabulary. I mean, _despacito_?"

Keith rolls his eyes as he pulls Lance to his feet. "I'm sorry, Spanish isn't my first language."

Lance laughs, "I guess I'll have to teach you, _estúpido_."

Keith lets go of Lance's hand and picks up his boot before sitting back on the ground to pull it over his foot. "Hey, I know enough to understand that."

Lance grins. "Good, we can skip the basics then."

. . .

"I've actually never seen Keith have this much human interaction before." says Shiro. "Back on Earth, the only person he'd even acknowledge was me, which to be honest was kind of weird. I mean, that's like a kid being friends with his dad." Shiro leans back to look through the doorway at the red and blue paladins, and leans forward again with a smile. "But now, he's got a whole castle of friends!"

The camera zooms out to include Pidge in the picture, and she rolls her eyes. "There's only seven people here."

"But it's a big castle."

"Okay, dad." Pidge leaves and Shiro moves towards the doorway.

"I'm a cool dad though, right?" He waits a second before going down the same hallway.

" _Right?!_ "

. . .

"I never bothered making friends because I genuinely think people are a waste of time," says Keith with a bored look. "And Lance is no exception." "He's awfully distracting. I've never met someone so loud and obnoxious. And yeah that's cool if you don't bother other people, but he's always..." Keith throws his arms up. " _There!_ "

. . .

Keith quietly walks back to his room with a glass of water. It's late, but after all the training the team did today everyone has been pretty thirsty. He's about to step inside when the door across the hall opens.

"Keith!" Keith groans and runs a hand through his hair.

"Go back to bed, Lance."

Lance walks towards him and pokes Keith's chest with his finger. "Why are you up, mullet? Trying to do some extra training, huh? Always gotta be the best? Well come on, I'll train too. I just woke up but I bet I can still kick your-"

"Why are you so damn loud?!" Keith whisper shouts. "The others are sleeping, training was rough today."

Lance leans against the door frame. "You thought it was rough?" He laughs, "I thought it was pretty easy."

"You left an hour early because you said your neck was tired from holding your head up for so long."

Lance sputters. "Yeah...well...I was going to come back but you guys had already finished."

Keith walks into his room. "You should sleep, Lance. Rest that neck of yours."

Lance pokes his head into the room and grins. "Aw, are you concerned about my well being?"

Keith raises an eyebrow. "Um, yeah?"

"Wait, what?"

"I don't want you to hurt yourself or anything." Keith sits down on his bed. "That would suck. Besides, you need that neck to hold that pretty head of yours."

Lance's face turns red. "Oh well that's..." He rubs the back of his neck. "Sorry to bother you, I'm probably going to go watch another movie or something. Can't sleep."

"I can't sleep either. Did you want to..." Keith picks at his bed sheets. "Do you want to stay? And I don't know, talk?"

. . .

"This morning I went to wake Lance up to see if he could convince Kaltenecker to make milkshakes for the paladins." Allura says. She taps her chin, "But he wasn't in his room."

. . .

Pidge laughs and smiles at the camera. "When I told them to get a room I didn't think they'd _actually--_ "

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually never seen The Crow, or even heard of it until now. I just searched up "what movies to emo people watch" and apparently it's the "emo-est superhero movie ever".
> 
> Hope you didn’t cringe too hard!


End file.
